Distortion-I'm done

What happened was I sat down at my work table and began the ritual of preparing to paint. I taped a piece of paper to a board then filled my jar with clean water. I lined up my brushes and paints and grabbed a roll of paper towels. I opened the music app to some Chinese flute. My windows were filled with the new growth green of the woods that we only see in the spring. I have painted this scene from my window many times; in every season. It was familiar and comforting. I felt very peaceful.

For the umpteenth time I began to sketch the trees, making vertical strokes on the page; leaving empty spaces for the dense layers of leaves that mask parts of the limbs.

The prompt for the blog this week is "distortion". I paused to think how I might make this image 'fit' to the prompt. I had a visceral response to the idea and it was not pleasant. The thought of distorting the trees gave me a slightly queasy feeling. Hmmm. "I'll have to come up with another piece for the blog," I thought. More reaction from the belly; resistance was rising.


I had followed my usual routine on Sunday when I received the prompt. I doodled. I made a mind map, a list of antonyms, associations and plays on words. I Googled 'distortion' and looked it up in Wikipedia. I made some cartoons to explore where my thoughts took me.

The next day, having some dark feelings, I sat at my table to draw myself as a mood changer. I often look to making art as a soothing, transforming activity. I set my intention to produce a post that would meet the assignment. I rendered a successful distortion, yet I didn't feel happy. I felt disturbed by it. Millie did not like what I had done, and let me know. I was ready to take it off the blog, I seem to be feeling quite upset for some reason.

I noticed that Deb was online at that moment so I called and reached her. We talked about the prompt and how it affected us. We discussed whether art need to look pretty, or evoke good feelings to the viewer. We attempted to define 'distortion' and it's variables. It was interesting to explore how self-portraits make me feel, and what led me to create them. Deb encouraged me to work through the discomfort and continue on this track; and I did. I made three more self-distortions. They left me sad and weakened, yet somehow fascinated by them.

The next day, I questioned how I would proceed. Half-heartedly, I took some more 'selfies' with the Ipad. As I sketched, I lost enthusiasm. I was done.

Now, sketching the trees outside my window, I again rebelled against distorting them on paper. I wanted to paint them some other way. Some how to celebrate their beauty and uniqueness. To take joy in the intimacy of spending time just looking at them, drawing them in, and through me. I have savored moments like this many times before, but I can do it again and again.