Who asked you?

I don't believe some people truly want to be helpful when they give you advice.

I was at painting class. One of the women, who had not come to the first class because she won a watercolor contest in Boston and had to go pick up her prize, greeted me warmly. She proceeded to brag about her win and grandchildren and, and, and. OK I made all the right noises and then got back to painting. I figured she had bragging rights. No worries.

Well, later on, she came to look at what I was painting.  She said, "You don't have enough contrast. You have to have more light and dark. Come look at mine." I walked over to her picture. "Lovely", I said, meaning it. "You see?", she asked. I nodded and walked away.

So, here's the thing: it was not my best piece. I was experimenting with textures and had heaped gesso on watercolor paper and blah, blah, blah.  I could see that the product was more important to her than the process and thought she might be dismissive if I explained my intention. Anyway, not everyone is into process painting like I am. Here's the point:  She criticized me. She's not the teacher. She didn't talk to me in a way that I could hear her. I felt reactive and hurt.

Having been on both ends of the critique thing, I have some thoughts on the subject. I didn't trust in the moment to explain about the process to this woman. I can always learn something. If only she had done it my way...

Here are my suggestions for giving constructive criticism:
1. Always ask first if the person would like feedback.
Who asked her? I wasn't looking to her for guidance.

2. Start with the positive.
It's easier to be receptive when someone is telling me what they like instead of what they think is wrong.

3. Make it about me.
It's not about you. All I got was that she thought hers was better than mine. Not constructive, just critical.

4. Encourage not discourage.
She really didn't give me anything to do. She just told me what was wrong, that hers was better, and no suggestion for how to improve. Should I just lay down my brush and give up? Is there any hope for me?

So that's what I recommend for giving criticism. You think I should sign her up to get my blog? Kidding. It's not my job to teach her anything. Even though I might have liked to teach her a thing or two....