LOVE that creative process

I felt like taking a nap, but I was too jumpy and cranky. I had a long list of things I could do in the house, but I didn't feel like it. So what to do? My default is to paint.

I tapped R&B Love Songs on Pandora. Turned on all the lights in my studio and filled the jar with water from the tap in the bathroom. Took a piece of not-the-best paper and taped it to a board. I didn't know what I was going to paint. So I opened  a notebook and doodled a bit. Then I wrote:
I'll paint something sunny in spite of the gloom.
Perhaps make a picture as big as my room.
I'll use bright colors to lighten my mood.
I think it works better than looking to food.


OK I'm amused...now what? I still didn't know what to paint. To get some ideas I googled the question on the IPad, "What should I paint?" There were many suggestions as well as variations on my questions. One link led to a quiz. I soon realized it was for kids and it was from the UK. For example it asked, "Who will you show your picture to?" The choices were all along the lines of, "Your mum and dad."Also, "Would you like to see your picture hanging on the refrigerator?"

I don't remember there being any kid art on our refrigerator. Making art was not valued in my house when I was young. A certain amount of creativity was tolerated, but never celebrated or encouraged. In fact I remember being scolded for wanting to draw. "Read a book" I was told. I come from a culture that honors the artwork of masters and geniuses... in museums. In addition, we're told we need the audio tour to understand what we're looking at.

I never thought I could become an artist. I thought one was born with the skills and should be able to produce a masterpiece on demand. Did I ever think for a minute that I could pick up a guitar and just play a song? Yet I believe many people think they should be able to render a decent likeness of their object not considering it takes time and effort to learn how and to practice. Having the belief that the only reason to make art is to make a beautiful picture kept me from deriving joy from the process. Until just a few years ago, I rarely finished a picture. It got crumpled and trashed as soon as my inner critic took one look.

Would I like to see my picture 'hanging on the refrigerator?' Sure, I like compliments, but I LOVE the creative process.